To the Trump Supporters I (still) Love

Hi there! You’re my childhood friends, family members I’ve grown a bit distant with, and folks who I’m sure frequently roll their eyes at my “west coast liberal antics.” There’s few enough of you that if you’re wondering “is she talking about me” yes, I probably am.

However, I’m writing this because I love you, and maybe I’m foolish and idealistic but I’m going to give this one more shot.

You see, I have to. I have to keep trying because I refuse to believe that people I care so deeply for can stand with a man who is the antithesis of everything that we (I thought we, but maybe it’s just I) believe in.

I want to understand why that is.

How can you reconcile this man’s immense cruelty? Is it just because it isn’t directed at you?

Maybe that’s it.

You’re not black, or Muslim, or gay after all. You aren’t disabled. Thank god you were born here in the USA, and you’re damn proud of it.

But don’t you care about people who he’s targeting?

Take the majority of the equation. Do you have one person in your life who you care about who has been hurt by his words?

Seriously. What does it mean to you to see the anguish that so many people you care about are experiencing on a daily basis? When the people I love are in pain I feel that in a visceral way. It wraps my stomach into knots, I can’t sleep, I feel heartsick and sometimes physically ill. Do you not feel that? Do you feel the same glee that he does at other people’s suffering?

I have to believe you don’t.

I have to otherwise I don’t know how I’m going to look you in the eyes after this.

Because there will be an after. There will be stories shared with children. It won’t just be me asking you these questions. You know that right? You know that history is in action and your actions now define not only what happens on a global scale but your own history. This time will define how people remember you. How they speak about your life and your legacy when you’re gone.

Despite what some think, you can’t rewrite history.

Photo by Tim Mossholder

I try to live by a philosophy of “do good, do better”. Do good wherever you can until you can do better, then do better.

I’m wondering how you’re better off. Because that has to be it. I can’t believe that you’re voting for him out of hatred, so it must be that he’s made your life better.

How? Are you better off financially? 200,000 folks have died due to the mismanagement of the pandemic. Was that extra bump in your stocks worth their lives?

If you let me know how much you’ve profited in the past year, I’ll be happy to do the math for you to calculate what a human life is worth to you.

While we’re talking about the worth of human lives, I’m wondering how you claim “All Lives Matter” in one breath while also screaming about all the people you hate in the other.

I get it. It’s easy to hate people. If someone tells you who to hate, who to blame, that’s a lot easier to go along with than to reckon with the realities of your own life.

Are you better off? Was it worth it? Is it worth it?

I don’t hate you if you say yes. But I am hurt by you.

I thought maybe it’d get better. I thought maybe that if I shared enough articles, if I talked about my experiences, if I helped you meet people who were different than you that it would make a difference.

I have so much hope for you. I think that’s what separates us at the end of the day. I am choosing to be driven by hope.

I hope that you’ll think about the choices you’re making. I hope you’ll think about how the memes you share, the Trump flag in your yard, the way you’ll spout things online but avoid eye contact with me at our reunion.

Because we’re each a sum of the people we surround ourselves with.

I’m going to be blunt here. If you continue to surround yourself with someone who is made of so much hatred towards me, towards those I love, towards other people that we don’t even know but also are just trying to make it in a world that is already too hard for too many — if that is who you choose to surround yourself with — then I’m going to believe that’s the sum of who you are too.

I hope I’m wrong.

If I’m not though, I have just one more question.

Is it worth it?